The following was written by an adult over the age of 21 in the safety of his own home. Do not consume alcohol unless you are of legal drinking age, and do not drink and drive.
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On a relaxing Sunday afternoon with nothing else to do, Matt took to his couch, picked up his phone, and poured a few drinks. No real recap, no intelligent analysis, just a man’s unfiltered thoughts throughout the course of a NASCAR Cup series event at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway. Let’s see what happens…
Pre-Race: Well, try as I might, I still can’t watch a pre race show. They suck, so damn much. I’ll be watching an old law and order episode before green.
Ugh fuck I forgot all about the gambling analogies and metaphors this race usually has. Chris Myers probably has 50 large on this race, if only he actually liked sports
I’ll take your money Clint bowyer you son of a bitch
With Danica Patrick not being as nascar experienced, Clint is gonna need to be the “expert” color announcer for this race…fuck.
Don’t point your finger at me like that Larry McReynolds
Lap 1: did Logano hit chase Elliott already? Lol
Lap 5: Danica just called a guy a “very qualified driver” wtf does that even mean
Those Progressive insurance commercial with the kid with the sign depress the hell out of me. It’s just fucking sad
Lap 18: feels like there’s already more passing than the fall race last year
Lap 24: Clint and Danica, if you could find the end of a sentence…and did Danica just say “perfectionistic?”
Lap 30: Reddick my beloved already up to 17th from the rear, nice
Lap 33: Blaney’s crew couldn’t pit their way out of a wet paper bag last week but now he’s got the lead, ain’t that some shit
Lap 38: ooooo Cole don’t beach it! (He didn’t beach it)
Lap 44: just having a little gin, oh there they go again , oh Austin what are we doing
God what an age we live in where I can see a commercial for a talking shit box telling me I should mail some shit in a box to a doctor
I’m concerned about how different the speeds are with Kurt Busch and Bubba Wallace, getting close to bookending the field here.
Lap 65: Reddick spins, but the tires look better than this surface than the old Fontana pavement
Can’t tell you how great it is to see clean air not be the EVERYTHING on track position
Lap 77: Danica said Kyle Busch is talented. That seals it, Busch is finally a hall of famer
Kyle Busch is gonna Drive Angry 3D. Love how he finds the flimsiest reasons to get upset. Very identifiable.
Bubba Wallace why you buying milk by the pint?
God damnit Suarez deserves better. Victim of other people on old tires.
Lap 100: Erik Jones you magnificent bastard.
I feel very SEEN by these cars spinning out on their own. Taking my iRacing strategy to heart.
Lap 114: Wow this Gen 7 car has so much parity, even Kyle Busch can finally lead in this thing.
Lap 135: Chase Briscoe has to be getting close to the incident limit
Danica Patrick would thrive in a two person booth. She’s a soft target because of her NASCAR career but you don’t need to be a great driver to do this. Put her with ONE strong play by play announcer that can also dish some analysis and it could work.
Larry Mac I don’t remember anyone calling Martin Truex “mister mile and a half” but if they did that really sucks.
Lap 140: I was giving Bubba some shit for being slow but he’s worked up to top 10 in that creampie mobile or whatever it was
Lap 165: wonder if they brought a Watermelon to Vegas
Start of stage 3: let’s do it for Dolly
71 to go: Erik Jones has passed more cars today than most F1 drivers do in their careers
58 to go: I don’t like getting teased like this, the 1 car is telling me there’s a chance.
Hamlin turned into a dinosaur awfully fast .
38 to go: gonna start the conspiracy theory that Hamlin destroyed the transmission to keep Busch in the lead. Couple more drinks and I’ll believe it.
30 to go: cue the Samantha Busch cam…ugh
I’d give a lot to see Truex and Busch take each other out, how bout it?
I don’t particularly like either of these guys but I LOVE this battle!
Son of a bee sting, that could have been bad for Jones and Bubba.
This is an exciting finish prospect but it doesn’t feel manufactured, we’re clicking on all 8 here.
GWC: “EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT NOW.” *Hendrick 1-2-3 after pits* soooo maybe only a little I guess.
Man that was a good finish. No clear favorite, no one walked away, a natural exciting finish. Considering the shit show Vegas was last fall it looks like the Cup series is gonna have a banner year!
Time for me to dry out and get ready for Phoenix!
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The Slow Restart 